Feature by Daniel Laverick
Films. We all have different tastes, alternative interests and specialised areas that others may not appreciate. There are though, certain films that most of us would throw into the trashcan of the dire, movies that are an embarrassment to admit to liking and require the use of a brown paper bag, both metaphorically and literally. Think of Gigli, think of Dungeons and Dragons, Arthur 2:On the Rocks and Hudson Hawk. These are films that you can’t apply the ‘cult’ label to or use the old “it’s ironic!” excuse. We all have our dark secrets and here at close-up film, we like to share them. So come one and all, regard this as a form of cinematic therapy, it might just do you some good….
My name is Daniel and I admit to liking….
Best of the Best (1989) Quite honestly I still don’t understand why this film is repeatedly criticised, I love it, its immensely watchable and the hammy macho acting is a good representation of the testosterone that pumped through American cinema in the 80’s.
Double Impact (1991) Ok so I’m a sucker for bad martial arts films.
The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking (1988) The best kids movie ever! The tale of the red haired Scandinavian feral child was scorched into my brain from repeated viewings in my childhood. I couldn’t get enough of it and I still remember the lyrics from the songs today “scrubbing day is my favourite day, cos on scrubbing day we make everything get wet….” If anyone knows where I can get a copy of this lost classic let me know! (seriously)
Red Dawn (1984) Ok, I’ll admit, the premise of this film is ridiculous: Russian commies parachute into the US one sunny morning and turn the land of freedom into some kind of Orwellian nightmare overnight, without any response from the army. Come on, it was made when America’s relationship with Russia (or the U.S.S.R) was somewhat cold and unfriendly. I just the think the idea of a bunch of teens retreating into the mountains to stage a guerrilla war with the enemy sounds pretty cool?!? Are you with me?? Red Dawn stars Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey (before their Dirty Dancing shenanigans) and a very young Charlie Sheen, preparing for his role in Platoon no doubt. Together with their fellow scrawny teens they bring down the might of the entire Red army using hunting rifles and true American grit!
Weekend at Bernie’s (1989) Not sure if this film should be on here but I decided to go with it simply because it was a comedy that involved the abuse of a dead body for an hour and a half. Two guys pretend that their dead boss is really alive in order to spend the weekend partying with hot women in his beachside pad. Need I say anymore?
Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987) I actually thought it was funny.
Highway to Hell (1992) An eloping couple are stopped on a deserted road by a cop….but he’s no ordinary cop…he’s hell cop! A weird chase into the bowels of hell (which looks a bit like Arizona) ensues, ending in a climatic duel with the devil himself. Watch out for Ben Stiller in one of his first appearances and the freaky dead ice cream guy who says “I’m gonna scoop out your brains!” Fantastic stuff.
Young Guns 2:Blaze of Glory (1990) It’s that man Charlie Sheen again, accompanied by Emilio Estevez, Christian Slater and Keifer Sutherland in the sequel to the 1988 original. A great Western with a Bon Jovi soundtrack, anyone who dislikes it is wrong.
Big Trouble in Little China (1986) Bizarre plot involving an old Chinese guy who wants to live forever and his three flying sorcerers. Kurt Russell is in good wisecracking form as the hero who ultimately saves the day and gets the girl.
Tango and Cash (1989) Sly Stallone and Kurt Russell are the two top cops in the city set up by an underworld criminal boss. Thrown in jail without a second thought as to the ridiculousness of the situation our two protagonists have to learn to get along, bust out of the pen and clear their names. Kurt Russell is in good wisecracking form as the hero who ultimately saves the day and …..oh.
Tell us YOUR brown paper bag movies by emailing editor@close-upfilm.com
|
